| boo yah |
[Sep. 5th, 2007|10:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
pointless update
school is good
family is good
my son is wonderful
and my freinds are great!
on the other hand
i dont want my son to grow up thinking i pushed his father out of his life..ive given the "sperm" every oportunity and nothing. But he wants to blame me?! wtf?! i dont get it...im not hurt..im soo past that
im just bothered that i could be accused of such a thing
i dont mind when people judge me...im a sinle mommy...im used to it
but dont accuse me of being a bad mother...that just hurts!
i think im going to post the convo we had on here
i know noone knows him
and i feel pretty safe with lj...
much love
Marisa and A'edan |
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| update! |
[Aug. 28th, 2007|06:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tv | ] |
so last post was more than a year ago
since then
I HAD A BABY BOY!!
His name is A'edan Rylan Esparza and he is my prince charming!!
He is adorable and completes me <3
ill try to post pics
that boy in the last post ended up being the daddy....go figure!
im okay being a single mommy tho...im happy and honestly dont feel the need for a daddy or hubby :)
my girls have been by my side every step from the first month to his birth...even now they keep me going
im soo glad to have such lovely people in my life
im back home with my momma
back in school and doing wondeful!
great job as a bank tellert...im on maternity leave
new car...well sorta i got it 4-06
and plenty more but soo little time!
just gives me another readson to update my lj now!
i love you lj friends...sorry its been so long
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| (no subject) |
[May. 3rd, 2006|03:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the washer | ] |
man i know i sy it again and again but i miis lj..terribly!
i love it how everyon e has myspace but sometimes u just need to get away..
live journal is like my dirty lil secret and i can talk all the trash i want cuz only us kool, ppl still have it!
u know?!
haha
so my life
its great
back home with my mom
new 2006 black focus
bad ass job with awsome discounts and lil work
family great
friends great
new addition to my family..he's 2 and a half pounds, looks like a reindeer, and anwsers to the name MOCO
and as for boys..well tahst always predictable
i thought i found this guy
everything about him was far from perfect...he met none of my qualifications...NONE
but DAMN that kid could sweet talk and make me feel like a princess, he showed me off, he said all the right things, so of course i gave in, fuck it tho....i didnt let myself fall for him too hard becouse i guess in the back of my mind i was expecting this....it was sooo predictable, not even i was suprised which i guess eased the pain cuz im not hurting...at all! im just mad now...i wnat him but for all the wrong reasons, just so i can reject him now.
when am i going to get past the games
seriously!!!
we talked about being faithful and funny thing is i wasnt.....its like i wanted to play this game i absolutely hate...liek i had to show my freinds i wasnt falling for him becouse when i did take the big step and go all out for his birthday they gave me shit saying he was all wrong and was using me....
all this made me realize tho that noone close to me is ready for me to calm down...everyone went thru a shock, like i had crossed over to the other side just becouse i would ditch them for one night or would call him before we went out...
am i not alowed to be happy like that?!
or is it just not for me?!
i honestly couldnt say if i ahve more fun partying it up or being in a relationship only becouse the single life is all ive ever known.
everyone says i have it perfect,i dont fall for guys, im always out, and im the queen of drunk hook ups but i wnat to know more... i wnat a boy with me
i want flowers on my car
i want a date to family events
i want someone to take care of me when im sick
i want someone to take care of me when im trashed
i want someone to call my freinds when they are worried about me
i want it all dammit
but obviously thast not meant for me...now at least
ah fuck it why do i even stress...im happy in this moment...why do i need more?!
its like lil mermaid...she had it all under the sea but the stupid bitch wnated more and look how she had a story book ending...maybe i should just push for more?!
or is that just me bing greedy!?
blagh
on another note...i miss all my lj freinds!!!
i do i do!!
and if anyone loves me enough, i would love someoen to make my lj all purty and more recent...yeah?!
i hope life is treating each and ever one of you welll!!!
o n another thing...sorry im just soo full of shit to say today!!
me n a coworker got to talking and she brought up a good pt...a shallow one but it makes sense..
she told me to find someone that loves me more than i love them that way i would always have the upper hand...find someone not as cute, not as rich, not and superior that way i would never have the chance of getting my heart broken but that only seems like settling for less...but in the long haul i know i would get more out of that then i ever would with the guys i see now... i mean if a guy knew i was the best he could get i could ahve him wrapped around my finger...my slave, my love, my everything...just in an AVERAGE pakage...but i wnat more...i wnat a hott guy that i feel honored to have, someone who the laides chase, someone that i ahve to beg for attention...maybe i do wnat the worst
my mom told me the same thing...not really to settle but to findsomeone that loves me more but that just seems selfish....
ur view?!
ok ladies n gents im done for today
it was lovely tho
hahaha
ta ta
marisa |
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| boo |
[Jan. 23rd, 2006|10:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mtv-true life | ] |
once a lj whore always a lj whore...
that being said...expect to see alot more of me in the neaqr future
dont have much to say now but i will......
besos
marisa |
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| i dunno what to do |
[Sep. 26th, 2005|05:37 pm] |
i rarely update this thing
im actually a big myspace whore now but my freinds found out what it was so now i cant really vent or bitch becouse theyll read
so lj it is
i dunno whats wrong
ive been in a wierd mood today
like not happy
depressed but for no real reason
everything is soo perfect right now :knock on wood:
i got myself an awsome apt finally with the best roomates!
i ahve freedom
i had the best weekend
theres no more drama with my freind
i met a boy
my ac in my car works!
i got so many hours at work this week which is wonderful!
is there something wrong?!
i think i just havnt seen my family, i think thast what im gonna do todaay, visit everyone
i dunno
its frusterating
make me happy
make me smile
ill be good tonight, when im around ppl
maybe tahst it
ive been cooped up at work alone all day
possible
actually i feel better as i type this
crazy
on another note
i think im learning how to control myself, im not as crazy as i was like all party girl
this weekend we had a kegger at my apt, it was last minute and everyone was trashed except for me, i really didnt drink but i was ok with it, i had a blast.
i guess its out of my system the whole drink n drown all week
its over rated
i need to get back on track
school
finances
family
freinds
not in that order but the point is clear
lately its been bothering me, i dont want to dissapoint my family, i love them, but i feel like i let them down way too often. all i wnat to do is please them but it just wouldnt be me. they disaprove of me, my freinds, my life, my living arangement, my life and i guess i feel tehres nothing left for them to love. i took a quiz today, it was one of those numbered quz where it tell you who means what to you depending on the order you wrote the names and my mom was the person i loved most and my brother was the one who i felt closest to... it was wierd cuz it was true. and of course my dad, everyone knows im a huge daddies girl! i miss waking up to those faces every morning. i took it for granted i guess
so i have a stalker now! scary shit...well hes not really a stalker just a guy that dosnt get the hint and lives way too close to me! its all good tho im in the safe company of my guy roomates. i need to start being careful tho, i always wanna beleive nothing can happen to me cuz im invinsible, which up to now is too but i still cant be stupid... u know??!
k that was a long ass update of nothing really
but it felt good
o n while its on my mind
ray, lish, tara, and vero.....you all ahve been on my mind recently! i love you guys oh so very much! |
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| grand theft auto style |
[Jul. 25th, 2005|02:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | less than jake | ] |
they say u learn something new every day
this weekend i learned a whole fucking chapter of life
fri
*it dosnt matterw when the party starts all that matters is when it ends..
* jungle juice never tasted soo good
* loosing ur sandals at the sac is reason enough to get trashed cuz that shit hurts!
* riding on quads when drunk is fucking scary but fun as hell
* sports cars dont belong in the desert!!! stay at the races dumbfucks!
* when im looking for a teddy bear in the middle of the desert, please take all alcohol out of my possesion
* a drunk taking care of another drunk was never soo amusing
* when guys start cracking bottles and talkig about guns and how they know the aztecas, its time to leave, not invite them to ur freinds fucking apt!
* claiming that the scariest looking guy around is ur over protective older brother saved my ass
*take the cell phone away from the drunk girl!
and u think i would learn but nooooo
sat night
* never leave my freinds in charge of getting drinks
* a 15 car train in the desert is just asking for trouble
* everclear is just legal rubbing alcohol!
* the desert should have road signs
* u dont need juarez to go dancing
* if ur gonna pee behind a car, make sure noone is in the car watching you..stupid perv!
* guys will be guys and fight, but please make sure the kid ur throwing punches at isnt your freind u drunk dumbfuck!
* and if ur freind is getting jumped please dont be a pussy and send my dumbass in to break it up!
* when ur freinds yell piggys...run!
* dont get in the car with the keg...obvious!
* eveading arrest is nothing like in grand theft auto.. these cops dont get tired and a jeep cant drive at 140 mph..fuck the video game
* just when u thought u were safe think again
* cops should all be flogged and quartered, or burnt at the stake!
* only el paso police need 8 cars for 4 teenagers!
* its beeter to lie and say ur sober than admit u had a drink.. a lesson i learned
* 1 drink to a cop is public intoxication....stupid idiot!
* cuffs hurt
* holding cells are too small and cold
* and having some bitch watch u pee is the most uncomfotable thing!
* dont make conversation with the drunk in the cell next to u and dont smile when he starts talking shit to the cops
* pay ur ticket warrents!
* all is fun and games till u see the face busting you out
* i ahve no regrets except being in the car that decided to out run the cops but i feel like shit for putting my family thru this
so the main lesson i learned this weekend
and this is from the mouth of the cop
" just patry at your house, chances are u wont get caught"
so no more desert
juarez has those stupid caops at the border
my apt it is...
now time for homework!
peace
marisa |
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| haters |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|11:46 pm] |
u ever get tired of taking other ppls shit n just swallowing it, not bitching, not complaining, just fucking ur pride and putting that fake ass grin on ur face? it gets soo exhausting. i used to get shit for having such a big mouth, but now im still getting it for keeping my fucking mouth shut. is nething i do right? why cant everyone just leave me out of everything?! i seriously would like it, why bring my name up, or even think about what i could have done better. just let me sit back, chill n drink my fucking beer in peace like everyone else! i sometimes think my life without neone would be too perfect, no problems, no drama, no shit.but im too much of a pussy to fly solo n need my crew. and for that i guess this is the price i pay...my fucking dignity!
this is me giving one of those fake ass grins and a big FUCK U to the world
time will fix everything i know but till then let me bitch!
marisa |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2005|11:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ataris | ] |
still alive
amazingly
some random photos as proof
i miss my lj too much
i cant say good bye
heres to my lj obsession
*maris* |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 28th, 2005|07:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
this is me saying "PEACE" to lj
no explanation needed
*marie* |
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| new adjustments |
[Mar. 3rd, 2005|08:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the radio | ] |
its been a while since my last update...
im moving, no more santa theresa for me, im lookin for a new appt but till then im crashing at my litas...like old times! in a way im happy to be living on my own, moving is no doubt a pain in the ass and very stressful but my bro n his gf helped me n im almost done. i cant wait to live on my own, its soo liberating, a little scary but soo worth it!
o i lost my stupid phone last week! that means i lost everyones number, that includes jax, ray, vero , jess, lish whoever else i talk to on lj. they sent me a replacement phone so my phone is up and running again so if u could just call me so i can get ur number
muchas glacias!
i got the job at aruba tan after all n im loving it! free tans for miss esparza! woohooo
and the work is nice, im a happy camper
and as for tri stste i go to orientation on mon and start tues....finally!
thast all for now
love u muchos!
*maris* |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|09:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
the pics i promised...with jax's help! love ya
erika, vaness, n me at an old football game
me and jax bein ourselves
the camera whores again
 jackie yelling at her brother
so we were bored ok!
jax trying to figure out my phone
whose the sexy girl?!?! i hear shes single......
my wonderful brother!
me n jax in juarez..the better part of our blurry night
and kissses to all of u!
muah! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2005|03:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
aww i miss my lj!
everything is alight, looking for a job..i applied at aruba tan so we'll see how that goes.
my mom wont let me start beauty school till i get a job so im sorta on a mini vacation right now...and lovin it!
still single..and happy
havnt been doin much lately, i went to san diego this past weekend with my family..it was beautiful, like always.
dont have ne plans for this weekend yet but its barely mon..or tues, hell if i know!
yup tahst bout it
i wanna post some pics but i dont have a scanner, ill borrow jax's phone...
all my love in your direction
*maris* |
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| just a reminder |
[Dec. 9th, 2004|10:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
today i watched an old home video we did back junior year when everyone was freinds...it was soo funny to watch, we looked so happy, we loved eachother so much, we all cared n somehow 2 years changed everything. its sad how things end. its sad how me n jax were almost one person whose lives reveolved around eachother junior year. its sad that me vero, n jess depended on eathother on a daily basis senior year. its sad how i threw erika n vanessa out of my life for 2 years. its sad how now that tara is back in town we barely talk, even tho we were unseperatble freshman year. its sad that my freind just had twins n ive only talked to her once. its sad how ive only seen my supposed goddaughter 6 times in a year. its sad the way i treat peplae. its sad i talk to my dad once a week but i think hes the only one that understands me, even tho we dont talk everyday we understand that we are in eachopothers daily thoughts. wwe dont need to talk everday to let eachother know we care becouse we already know it. i want each of u to know i care n i love u dearly, if it wasnt for each one of u girls i dont think i would be here today. i adore u jax. i treasure u vero. i heart u jess. i admire u tara. i love my girls!
on another note n a little unexpected to some
im going to beauty school
no more utep...for now
and the best part..my parents are being unbeleivably supportive
my life is at a peak!
love me |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|10:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
aghhhhhhhhhhhhh
i hate bein sick! i hate it i hate it i hate it!
went to the docs yesterday to see what was wrong, he gave me a shot of antibiotics..in my asss! haha i didnt mind thos cuz the guy was sooo cute!
lol
o n then he told me my iron level is dangerously low and im at risk for being anemic, he put me on iron pills for the next 6-9 months, i swaer im breakin down at 18! blegh
yeh tahst all i got for now
o no wait...im gonna go on a diet..or try. haha me n my freinds were just gonna eat rice n beans but we found out that it was really fatteneing for u so were gonna modify it...lol were losers i know
adios
*marisa* |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2004|09:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
update
last last weekend:
thurs-juarez
fri-juarez
sat-juarez
sun-halowwen..moovies, pumkin pie,trick or treaters, and ice cream
i didnt even get to wear my halowwen costume once! talke about bummed :(
last weekend:
fri-stalkers!
sat-the rock jam at waco tanks(sp), we spent the night
sun- woke up, drove home, showered n slept all day
my dumb ass slept in a cactus sat night so i still have stickers in my back!!!!!!!!!!!
this week:
mon-school n work then to my moms
tues-school(sorta), swensons, then with vero to this boys house
wed-school, lubys then got sick so my freinds pushed me around target in the shopping cart, then i dunooo
thurs- my classes got cancled :),went to my moms work and laughed at the lil kids, then to my study group thingy at utep, then to the chiropractor, then to this make-up convention at dillards, then on my way home a car hit me :details below:, then to the police station, then to erikas to fill out the report, then home!
so i was driving on mesa with the flow of traffic north in front of the old lomart and a fukin car pulling out of the parking lot to merge with traffic crashes into the rear right side of my car, i lost control couse they had hit my tire so i slow down, flip a bitch n park in front of the comic strip across the st, they come and try blaming the thing on me saying i cmae out of nowhere, what the fuck! so my car wasnt that bad it was just scratched along the side and my wheel n hubcap(sp) all scratched so they said theyd give me 40$..o yeh... around this time erika n her mom show up cuz i had been on the phone with her when the car hit me so her mom calls the paple back to the site n we get all theri insurance information so it lookks like im gonna get my car estimated n if theyd ont pay ill file the police report, and for the record..this is i think the first accident that was in no way my fault, along with the dear...lol
o so ive been going to the chiropractor n she told me im in stage one of spine deterioation..haha whatever that means
this weekedn:
fri-juarez..everyones invited! lol
sat- miners game and russian ballet then to silver city with my dad
sun- silver city
blagh im out, sorry so shitty
lots of love directed towards...YOU!
*maris* |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|11:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | busy | ] |
havnt updated in a while
theres alot to say
but
i have class right now
lol
sorry
just to let everyone know im still alive
muah!
*maris*
noone calls me!
*edit* right when i typed that i looked at my phone n i had a missed call from my daddy! haha someone loves me! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2004|10:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
i dont know why things happen the way they do, i dont know why freinds drift, i dont know why peaple change, i dont know why love dies but after all is said and done i take comfort in the thought that things happened the way they did, even the bad. i mean yes i got hurt, yes it was hard but ive managed to overcome everything and learn a few lessons in the process. this dosnt just apply to one particular case, it applies to everything, my school, family, freinds, exes, my freedom. i really dont know where all this is coming from. i was reading through journals and reminising and i realized that yes times are tough but its not the first time, and im not the only one.
school update
in my politics class i might be able to raise my garde by volunteering for an experiment
in my politics class i still ahve 2 more tests that im gonna ace and an extra credit paper
injazz to rock ive sworn to attent his next 10 perfomances and write a paragragh on each on
and in university i wrote a killer paper and i have a project due that im gonna do wonnderful in
maybe life isnt so bad after all
last night jackie came over with her freind sigi(new lj freind lol), it was nice, sorta like old times, alot was siad and im glad we can still talk. sometimes i wish i could tell her right from wrong but like everything else, u need to learn on ur own and just have patience
i talked to my vero last night too!
so i think im gonna post some pics real real soon, maybe tonight...lol
plans for the weekend
fri(today)- go see the grudge with the boys then viva juarez!
sat-my freinds lil sisters band comp then who knows
sun-i think were gonna go with the boys to play golf, haha i get to drive the cart! woohooo and then i have my guard practice
karmas a bitch and im starting to see that every guy that has ever screwed me over is getting his own slowly but surely and as perfect as that sounds i have a lil sympathy for them. its not as enjoyble as i thought it would be. im sorry
oh and one more thing...i was listeing to the radsio and they were asking how many guys a girl can have sex with and still not be considered a slut and the average was lik 10-15 but when they asked the guys they said that the number of girls they slept with was irrelevant and in no way potrays them as a whore like it does to females.. why is this? its a stupid douple standard! so my question...what number of guys makes a a girl scandoulous/slut/whore/etc.
dont worry i wont get affeneded im just curious.
so long farewell
*maris* |
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| lost |
[Oct. 19th, 2004|01:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | moody | ] |
i think i spend half my life trying to fix my mistakes and figure myself out.
i got my midterm grades...and im dead!
college isnt as easy as i thought it would be
i dont have the self discipline that is needed
im thinking hard about going back to community, the classes were small and it was soo much easier
i kow im not dumb but ive had it so easy for so long, that now that i actually have to put an effort into what i do, i guess i forgot how
lately i feel like its hopeless for me to even go to school
i mean where am i going
ughhhh
fuck i hate this
i seriously would be happy going to beauty school and working in a salon my whole life
but i know thast not an option
and moving onto money...only i could spend 300$ on worthless crap and fast food....
its horrible and now that im living on my own its even worse. i have about 50$ to last me all month and that is including gas money
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
and one more FUCK!
sometimes i hate the person ive become.....
im materialistic
i can be inconsiderate
im mean to my mom
im not a good freind
im horrible at keeping contact with old freinds
i hurt the ones that care for me the most( gys included)
and suprise suprise...im selfish!
i need someone, not a bf, but someone to guide me thru, someone to make me go to class, someone to make me study, someone to make me exercise, someone to make sure im home before 2 am, someone to take care of me.
mayb i am better off living with my mom, maybe im not ready to grow up, maybe....
so there was this boy, he like me alot, i loved the attention. he called every day, even mornings, i never had to call. he treated me well. but all along i knew i didnt like him, he had no motivation, he had no job, he was a slacker, i was just using him cuz i was lonely. i kissed other guys when i was with him behind his back to prove to myslef i wanst falling for him. i was never seeing him but this was still inconsiderate. so out of the blue i decide i need to cut all ties with him, what do i do. avoid his calls till he gives up...its been a week and he hasnt gived up yet completely. i saw him in juarez on thurs, and i just walked by him and smiled. the point of this story..... next time im crying over some guy somone remind me that karma is a bitch cuz i deserve every heart break that is headed my way..
i tired of bitching
i got class..the one class im passing
wish me luck
i love every one of u, even if i avoid ur calls, ignore u, or dont keep contact...it dosnt mean u guys arnt in my mind
*maris* |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2004|09:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hyper | ] |
aghhhhhhh
i have an essay due by five today on my major and future career and lately i cnat think of nething i wnat to be
i wnat to be comfortable
i wnat to not have to wake up in the morning
i want to not have a budget..ever!
i wanna take naps as often as i want
i want to be happy
i dont think i even want to work
how sad is that?!
i dont think my teacher will accept that anwser so i think im gonna write on social work, it seems fun
yesterday i was here at school studing and i was just watching pepople in the library and they seemed so focused, so determined, like they knew what they wnated, where they were going. i tried to study like them but then crashed and took a 30 min nap, when i woke up they were all still studying, i felt like a dumb idiot so i left.
i know its natural to not know what i wnat in life, but it seems so unnatural. i know what i dont wnat, i dont wnat to have to work, i dont wnat to have to have a schedule, i dont wnat anyone telling me what to do...what do i wnat?!
meh
so yesterday i clenaed my appt, i swept, cleaned the dishes, my sink, my bathtub, my room, my closet, even the fukin toilet! after i was done i realized i was turning into my mom...very scary!
so tonight plans are still up in the air but it looks like were going to a club in juarez over by la zerata(sp) it should be fun but i would be happy just going to derby, i think i just gotta get out
haloween is coming up, i cnat wait, i still dont kow what i wnat to be, i think im gonna be a bad fairy, like in black with fishnets and big black wings, i saw the cutest outfit online so i might order it, we'll see
what is everyone else gonna be?
o and before i forget...
::clears throut::
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear VEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
happy birthday to you!!!!!
haha i called her yesterday but they told me she got sick, poor gilr
thast about sums it up
lots of love directed towards ::you::
*marisa* |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2004|09:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
la la la la la la la
in the library
bored
tired
went to the dollar movies yesterday, on tues its only 50 cents...talk about mexican!
on that note we saw "w/o a mexican"...its fukin funny
went shopping
bought clothes i dont need
cant afford
and prolly wont wear
whats new
my kitty still dosnt have a home...someone save him!
i think im gonna post pics up here pretty soon, its been a while, i just need to remember how
meh
tahst all i got for now
*maris* |
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smurfgrrrl's journal
crappy